Romeo and Juliet According To Me
by erusans57varieties
Summary: Basically Romeo and Juliet through my eyes... you could almost call it... Eru's Notes. Note: I updated! haha, not more on the storey, more of an extended-edition dvd type thing...
1. The Storey

Romeo and Juliet  
According to Me!  
  
Once upon a time, there were these two families that lived in a place called Verona, ITALY. They hated each other. One of the families had a son named Romeo Montague and the other had a daughter called Juliet Capulet. Then, surprise, surprise, they meet one night and –ohmyGod- fall in love against their parents wishes, even though their parents didn't know... only in ITALY would that happen.  
  
But the story actually starts with these two Montague dudes called Sam and Greg talking about colliers and some "other" stuff, when, low and behold, a Capulet- Abram- walks onto the scene.  
  
Being non-homosexual males, they decide to make an insulting gesture at the Cap, namely, the *BITING OF THE THUMB* and the best argument in literary history occurs:  
  
Abram: Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?  
  
Sam: I do bite my thumb, sir.  
  
Abram: But do you bite your thumb at US, sir?  
  
Sam: Is the law of our side if I say ay?  
  
Greg: NO!  
  
Sam: No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir; but I bite my thumb, sir.  
  
Greg: Do you quarrel, sir?  
  
Abram: Quarrel, sir? No sir!  
  
Sam: But if you do, sir, I am for you. I serve as good a man as you.  
  
Abram: No better.  
  
Sam: Well, sir.  
  
Greg: Say better. Here comes one of my master's kinsmen.  
  
Sam: Yes, better, sir.  
  
Abram: You lie!  
  
Then there's this whole fight scene, then the prince- Escalus by name- breaks it up.  
  
Enter Romeo, who's a pansy if I ever saw one, but amazingly appealing somehow  
  


* * *

  
Romeo: Complain, complain, complain.  
  
Ben: Sorry, cuz.  
  
Romeo: Whine, whine, whine.  
  
Ben: Don't worry.  
  
Then the cousins meet up with their buddy Mercutio, who happens to be the most awesome character in the book possibly the world.  
  
Mercutio then has this great monologue about Queen Mab and dreams, and then, for some reason they decide to crash this party the Cappies are having. Probably because they hate the Caps.  
  
And this party's where Romeo and Juliet meet and fall in love.  
  
So then Romeo sneaks into Juliet's backyard, which she "just happens" to be looking down onto, but somehow she doesn't see him as he is attempting to stalk her. He reveals himself and there's this big love scene where they reveal their undying love for each other.  
  
The next day they get married.  
  
A little while later, Tybalt, Juliet's cuz and the King of Cats, kills the great Mercutio, Romeo's best friend. Out of rage, Romeo kills Tybalt.  
  
Romeo is banished from Verona, but luckily for him, he gets to stay in ITALY, in a little town called Mantua.  
  
So Juliet hears the news and mourns. Romeo comes his last night in Verona, ITALY to "comfort" her (yeah... okay). The next morning they have their first argument as a married couple about a nightingale that magically changes into a lark  
  


* * *

  
Anyway, Romeo leaves for Mantua, and not five seconds is he out of the room be for Capulet and his woman come in and tell Jewels that she's going to marry a dude named Paris on Thursday... which would be great if she weren't already married.  
  
She confuses and insults her parents at the same time; they damn her (DAMN THE MAN!), she cries, and then she leaves for church for reconciliation. Reconciliation being her code word for 'going to church to kill herself'. Juliet goes, she sees the priest- Friar Laurence- he gives her a potion, yadda yadda, people'll think she's dead, yadda yadda, Romeo will take her away and they'll live happily ever after.  
  
In short, the plan fails. Romeo hears his lady love is dead, buys poison, rushes to her side and kills himself even though she is showing little signs of life (oh yeah, he kills Paris too). Juliet wakes up and Oh My God! Romeo is dead. She has this big speech, but in the end she stabs herself with Romy's dagger, because we all know that's all that really matters in the end.  
  
Their dads figure out what happened (Mon's wife dies, and frankly, I don't care about Lady C.). They make up at the great price of their children's lives and erect statues of each other's said dead kids.  
  
So, the moral of the story (of course there is a moral you bugger) is if you're in love with your family's sworn enemy, sneak around behind their backs, get married (don't tell anyone about that so you'll be able to kill people and confuse them at the same time [Why'd Mercutio have to die?!?!]) and then kill yourselves because frankly, the love was star-crossed in the first place.  
  
That's the Gospel of Shakespeare according to Eruren Arise Hopupe.  
  
Amen.  
  
**Note: L.J. kindly informed me that when Shakespeare wrote Romeo and Juliet, it is the Capulets that do the biting of the thumbs. Evidence: the first line is "... here come two of the house of Montagues". In all truth, I noticed that before, but in my opinion, Shakespeare got a bit confused, God love him. Whenever Greg says, "...here comes one of my master's kinsmen." Benvolio is the next to enter-- a Montague. I believe this Is what Baz Luhrmann was going by in his William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, because he depicts it the same way I do  
  


* * *

  
**Ps- yes, this is different from the note- just a suggestion, but if you actually have to study Romeo and Juliet don't go by what I'm saying, it's all fun and games, even though it's amazingly accurate... cough cough. If you really want an easy way to get the point, watch Baz Luhrmann's version- it's wicked awesome. Or if you're that desperate, e-mail me, I've had to study the damn thing in 3 different classes. Anyway, that's all- later! Eru** 


	2. The Logic

Erusan's Logic  
  
Well, it all started with my first review... actually the third, where I began to feel it necessary to explain myself. That kind of worried me though, because I don't really like having to explain the method behind the madness that's me. Anyway, I don't like confusing strangers when I can't even see the looks of utter bewilderment on their faces, so I'm going to ...sigh... explain myself. I feel like the Beaver.  
Actually, I'll also take this time to thank people for actually reviewing. Made me feel all special way inside, in the cockles of my heart... maybe below the cockles... maybe in the sub-cockle area... maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidney, maybe even in the colon- we don't know. Before anyone has to ask, that's Denis Leary.  
  
"Reasonably crazy" writes: 'hehehe- cool. I'd have personally shoved in a few more sarcastic remarks about them falling so deep in love after talking for 15 minutes then getting MARRIED the next day..  
  
But that's just me. Well, me and my best friend. She wrote something for her class where they get into a fight and hate each other all thier lives.  
  
heh heh.  
  
But that doesn't relate.  
  
Love the summerizing skills!'  
  
Okay, this was the perfect first review for me to have, 'cause it's all very nice and she either understands the storey, or at least pretends she understands it. Either way, it's all good to me.  
  
"and Sometimes" writes:  
'Amusing. I like! Cos it had to have a moral... sorry for bad review; I'm a bit braindead from work today.  
  
Eru in a Tolkien sense?'  
  
This is a good review too- mainly because this person likes it. Said I was amusing. Feeling special again. Umm... but the Eru in my name isn't 'in a Tolkien sense', it's my name abbreviated-in Japanese. I'd have done it in ITALIAN, but alas, it's the exact same as it is in English, and that's just kind of boring. It would've been cool if it were 'in a Tolkien sense' though. I just wasn't thinking of that though. Oh well. Life goes on.  
  
"SmellyElly" writes: Ok...since I really hate evil people who write evil reviews about stories that are clearly inside joke stories, I shall not be cruel because that would be hypocritical..  
  
This was kinda random darling..its like readers digest condensed books...you may take that as a compliment or an insult.  
  
And I feel para tu (sorry random spanglish) studying Shakespeare in multiple clases is crap..  
  
Love ya,  
  
Moi  
  
Wow, I'm not really sure if my storey confused her, but her review sure as hell confused me. At least the first sentence did. I s'pose it was nice of her not to be cruel, 'cause I'd probably go and cry for a while, and you think I'm kidding, but I'm not. I'd spend the rest of the day wondering what the hell crawled up her butt so that she could be so cruel. This is all metaphorical though, because, it's obvious she wasn't being mean. This is actually one of my favourite reviews, because: 1) she acknowledges my randomness, which is a trait that I take certain amounts of pride in, and 2) she uses words like 'spanglish' too! And that made me chuckle. Oh, and the whole readers digest condensed books thing... I'll take that as a compliment too, simply because I have no clue what it all means.  
  
"Shiva's Fire" writes: That was really funny... don't worry i had to study it too... your right, Mercutio SHOULD NOT have died. He was my favorite character :(  
  
All I can really say to this is thanks, glad you liked it.  
  
"WuffieLuver" writes: Thats llike the summary I wronte for english. 'Cept with less words. I loved Mercutio! He was the greatest (something about a goose and biting and romeo started it) Anyway this was good an I got your humor to a certian level...the rest...ehh lol well it's really good!  
  
Umm... thank you... I'm glad you liked it "to a certain level". I guess that's better than no level at all. If you would, I'd appreciate it if you could explain your penname and the whole goose thing to me sometime. Please and Thank You. Ps- I think it's great that you can turn in stuff similar to this at your school, because if I turned mine in, I'm pretty sure the English department wouldn't appreciate it. Then again I go to an all-girl Catholic school.  
  
"Echinacea" writes: OMG! That was hilarious! More!  
  
Simple and to the point. It's really very nice of E. to say this. The only problem I could find with it was the request for "More!" because I kind of already finished the summary of the whole play, and until Shakespeare writes more on RJ (cough, cough)... I'm afraid I won't be able to either. I guess this little extra chapter that's already longer than my original concept of a summary will have to do until I decide that something else is too long for it's own good and needs to be summarized too. Maybe "Julius Caesar" or "Hamlet" will come next.  
  
"YamiWestley" writes: YW: MERCUTIO! OH WHY MUST THE PERVS DIE YOUNG!  
  
Jou: I'm in mourning too. It is such a waste of pure pervy blood.  
  
YW: Yes, hugs Jou WHY!?  
  
Jou: Because it makes a good story?  
  
YW: I guess I'll go with that! Anyways, well...you got right to the point. And it was a bit weird...I guess that's all I'll say..  
  
YamiWestley thinks I'm a bit weird too! I can't honestly say that I can tell what's going on in this review either. I mean, I know what it says, and I comprehend it... but I'm not sure if this is considered positive reinforcement or what? 'Cause some people, and of course I am included in this group, find weird to be an adjective of comfort and take it as a compliment. I just don't know. But I think I know why the pervs must die young, and that's 'cause no one likes an old perv... unless it's A.N.S... Oh, yeah, I was wondering what your penname meant as well.  
  
All right, now to actually ::sigh:: explain some of the crap that's going on in my storey that may have confused readers and -possibly- listeners.  
  
Here goes:  
  
"The whole ITALY thing"- I'm ¼ Italian. That's the most of any one nationality I can claim to myself. I basically love just about everything about it and I take a lot of pride in it. At school, it's kind of an inside joke, because if anything's Italian, I let everyone know about it. Example: World History- you wanna' know the only reason why Columbus was cool? It's 'cause he was Italian. Screw the whole 'discovering' America thing. That's b.s, and it's my mission to tell everyone. Oh, also, you wanna' know why America is cool? That's because it's named after Amerigo Vespucci. That's right, another Italian. That'll be all for today.  
  
"The whole Mercutio-worship thing"- Heck, he's cool. And he's a drama queen, which means we're practically soul sisters. I was really quite ticked off when I read the scene where he died, but who wasn't?  
  
"The whole Romeo-bashing thing"- Okay, let's get it out in the open. Romeo is a dumb ass. Plain and simple. That's even what he says at all of the support groups he went to before he killed himself. "Hello, my name is Romeo, and I'm a dumb ass." It's okay... kinda'. It's like how at my support group meetings, I stand up and say "Hello, my name is Eru, and I'm a smart ass". That's just how things are. But Romeo is really exceptionally dumb. Stupid almost. If he'd lived a few more years, he would've reached ignoramus status in Verona. It's like the Friar said, how the hell could he have been in love with Rosaline so deeply and passionately that he can switch to Juliet so easily. And THEN, oh, and then, the whole thing where he kills himself when she is showing signs of life! What the heck?! She's been dead 40-some-odd hours and you think her being warm is just a coincidence? JESU CRISTE! Also, I find Romeo to be just a bit to girly for me... he whines too much. From Juliet, sure, I expect it. But Romeo is all complain, complain, complain. I'll give this a break now, 'cause I'm about to scream from frustration.  
  
"The whole abbreviating names thing"- Well, it's the same thing that's up with why I made a summary. I'm lazy, what else is there to it? Nothing that's what. If you could have morals without storeys, well, I think I would've just written the moral, because that would've saved a lot of time. But then again, if I did that, I would've had to cut the whole fight scene and the greatness that is Mercutio, and I'm not sure if I could bring myself to do that.  
  
Whatever. There's my justification of "Romeo and Juliet According To Me". The method behind the madness. Enjoy. 


End file.
